A Silly Snake and My Own Practicality

 

I was surprised and delighted to nearly stumble, literally, on this rubber snake on our way to South Kensington Station after Z and I went to see Taylor Swift's clothes at the V&A. While I picked up some kitten earrings in the gift shop, I think this photo is my favourite souvenir of this little mother/daughter jaunt. A harmless object that looks a little bit vicious, in a silly sort of way, is just my kind of thing. 

I'm not sure that we are Swifties, but we do like most of her music, and when it comes to generosity of time, attention, and resources, she is an excellent example. She shouldn't be put on a pedestal by any means, and certainly she's made mistakes, but who exists about which we cannot say the same? And yet I found myself wondering if people we know who think Taylor Swift is a horrible person would judge what we posted on our social media accounts. I decided it could be what is referred to in the modern parlance as a "them problem." But I still worried, a little.

I find myself perplexed by the expectations laid on people, whether they be famous or not. The voices on the internet are quick to judge, and I'll confess that I have sometimes been one of those voices. But I have realised how far short I fall of the standards I set for other people, and I think it's best to look to my own self improvement before I start telling other people how they should be. If I cannot stop ordering things of dubious origin from Amazon, can I really expect even more of someone else? I cannot. I am also very mindful these days that I am placing blame or giving credit where it is actually due - and sometimes it is hard to tell just where this credit or blame should fall. But if I am in some small way committing the same wrongs, then certainly the way forward is to correct it in myself. And when it comes to the mistakes I've made in the past, well, there are certainly enough of them to put me on par with anyone who is currently being criticised on the internet.

I had a very hard time in the autumn when people commented on what was happening in a country far away. I'm sure you know which one I mean, because the problems persist to this day. One woman went so far as to say that she would tell the children and grandchildren of those who did not speak up what awful people they had been at this time. We had just lived through a complicated situation regarding a war elsewhere, which I could not speak about for reasons which would be negated if I explained now. But it was personal, and for two and a half years I lived with this uncertainty that terrified me. And there was nothing I could do but wait. So when this other situation arose, it didn't feel right to me to say anything, after I'd said nothing about this other thing for two and a half years. So I was quiet and have remained quiet about both situations. My voice would not move the needle in any particular direction, and I prefer the actions I take to be effective.

I suppose that's what lots of my stances on contentious topics boil down to. I am, in many ways, a practical person. Add to that the limited time, energy, and mental space I have to devote to each individual thing, and it would be unwise to fritter away myself for something that will end with no ground gained. I want what I do and say to be effective and helpful. So I ask myself firstly if what I think should happen actually can happen. Idealism gives us something to aim for, but if we can never reach it, then we will only live our lives frustrated and angry. I think a better question might be, "What is the best possible outcome?" And then figure out how to get that. Sometimes there is a big gap between what can happen now and what is possible with time and a lot of effort. So we do what we can now and (hopefully) make a plan for the future. It can be hard to look at a world full of suffering and not want things to happen now, and not understand why others cannot get on board. Add to that our addiction to instant gratification, and it is a tall order to slow down and make plans, to accept that these things always take longer and are more tedious than we'd prefer. 

And then there are the sacrifices necessary to get there. I am not very good at sacrifice. See the aforementioned Amazon habit. I am trying to get better at it. I know that if I truly want to do good in this world, more will be required of me than I'd often prefer to give, and it is better to practice this now than to be caught unprepared later. So I guess that's where I'll leave this for today. In the midst of mulling over all of this, on my way downstairs to make some progress toward putting dinner on the table.

Until next time...

To Catch You Up

 

 

 

 

Well, I just walked away and left this, didn't I? It wasn't intentional, or at least being away this long wasn't intentional. Life proceeded with such demands that this didn't make the list of things to do, or sometimes even what I'd like to do, most of the time. These past four years have been full of meeting needs, adjusting to changes, addressing the gap between expectation and reality, and finally, figuring out how to take care of myself a bit better.

In our family, the person who has the most acute and urgent need gets the attention, and most often it wasn't me. Having had to learn somewhat early in life how to just carry on whether I liked it or not, I have kept doing that. And while it serves me well most of the time, it also leaves some gaps. All this care of and for others, and who was going to take care of me? Well, mostly me, and sometimes not so well. Between my last post and now, I have shepherded one child through GCSEs* as a home educator, settled two into school, and looked after my family in every possible way. By the time 2024 hit, I felt a little bit done with a lot of things, prompting the thought that maybe, just maybe, I wasn't doing anyone any favours by doing things that shouldn't be mine to do. I've been scraping things off my proverbial plate ever since, and I feel better. It's still a work in progress, but I'm trying.

So here is where I am today: in a house we have bought (with a mortgage of course), absolutely delighted by decorating it however I want, no landlord permission required, and incredibly grateful for the people who do the tasks I cannot do in order to bring my vision to life. I have the kitchen of my dreams and a carousel camel in the back garden that I am scraping paint off of whenever I get a moment. This has been the greatest surprise and delight of this phase of adulthood. We've been in London ten years now, and it feels wonderful to have settled into our life here in this way.

I am no longer home educating (er, mostly). Z passed all her GCSEs* and is about to embark on her second year of college** whilst finishing up an Art & Design BTec*** with my, ahem, encouragement. It was clear that E needed things both socially and educationally that I could not provide through home ed, so she is settled into secondary school. There is a lot I find to be troublesome about the current system in place, but it's the best of the imperfect choices available to us, so I am trying to look on the bright side, despite feeling quite strongly that fifteen classes is too many classes for tweens. What's good is very good, so we will just take it.

I am still running a cat sitting business, which I have shrunk deliberately by not replacing clients who no longer need my services. I still love all the cats, but if I am honest, I'd love to be done with it entirely. However, it's nice to make a bit of an income to supplement our DIY budget. We are incredibly lucky that J's salary is enough for all four of us to live on. I honestly don't know what we'd do if we both had to work full time - it would be absolute mayhem. Whenever I feel tempted to complain about how busy I am, I check myself, because I am in no way truly suffering.

At church I remain the parish council secretary. I have no idea if I have mentioned having the job before, but it has led to acquiring more jobs along the way (all as a volunteer, of course), including being in charge of camp paperwork. I am happy to put some of the time I have to use in this way, and in terms of camp, I am very happy that I can do paperwork as opposed to living in a tent for eight days and cooking outdoors for thirty children. I love planning things, and I am already scheming for how to get everyone to turn in their paperwork more or less on time next year. (Feel free to laugh; we all know how this goes.)

I am, on the whole, content. It has been a surprise to find that this season of life offers a bit more ease than I have been used to. I am still busy in a lot of ways, for sure, but the pace and effort is not so frantic. I am grateful for that. Long may it continue.

*Please google this; I am not prioritising telling people individually at this time.

**This is the British meaning of the word college, which is not the same as university.

***Please also google this, for the same reason I'd like you to google GCSEs.