I am a Woman, Raising Women

As the anniversary of meeting Z has passed by, I have found myself looking back at photos of our first days together. She changed me so quickly. It's hard not to be changed by the baby woman who sits on your lap for every meal and sleeps next to you every night, trusting you despite not knowing you very well.

I realized suddenly that a lot of messages I'd received about what it meant to be a woman and to have a woman's body were things I didn't want my daughter to receive. If she heard them, I wanted her to know that they were not true, that she was her own person and she was entitled to have her own thoughts, her own opinions, and her own autonomy over her own body.

From the first day I saw Z's photo, I felt a powerful urge to protect her. It's why I bought an open ended plane ticket when we flew over. I wasn't going to leave her after I'd met her. I was going to take care of her in whatever way I was allowed until we could take her home with us. All these things that I realized I wanted to teach her, about herself and the world around her, about who to come to when you are hurt and who will always fight for you, I wanted to start teaching her right away.

I hope I have done a good job teaching both my daughters, every day, that they do not owe anyone anything that they do not feel they would like to give. They do not exist for someone else's pleasure. They do not need to look a certain way or wear certain things or put up with someone treating them inappropriately or making inappropriate remarks. And they absolutely do not have the responsibility to make sure that some man's future doesn't get ruined if he violates a woman.

I think you can guess how I feel about the Kavanaugh vote today. I will have more to say about this. But for now you should know that I believe women. I am a woman who has lived with this culture that values the comfort of men above the very real trauma caused to women. I know how it goes. I know all the excuses. I know the denials. And I do not want a man who very well may have assaulted multiple women to be the one who interprets the laws that will affect women. The stakes are too high. We shouldn't take chances.