Tuesday, October 9, 2018

Happy to Be in the Now

As busy as I've been lately, it's not lost on me that my life as a parent is getting increasingly easier in some key ways. The fact that both my children use the toilet independently is enough on its own to warrant a feeling of ease, but they are both self sufficient in a lot of other ways, too. I feel like I get the best part of the caring work, but I don't have to do the most inconvenient and messy things anymore. I am really happy about this. My children at ages six and eleven are amazing. They are doing well in a lot of ways, and I don't miss those early days one bit.

This has surprised me. I know a lot of people who aren't fans of young childhood, but I am. I love babies and young kids. And I loved my kids as babies and young kids. I didn't wish they were older, ever. I mean, they were both so amazing in their first days and years with us - how could I wish those days away? E was the cutest baby imaginable, and she made friends with absolutely everyone. She was messy and spunky and hilarious. Her baby and toddler years were filled with joy in a lot of ways. Z was at the end of her toddler years when we met her, and she was the most beautiful child I had ever seen, with the cutest accent and the best funny faces. Getting to know her was incredible - she showed up as her own person, and I was amazed at her from the first moment I saw her. We had some brilliant moments with both of our kids when they were small. I treasure those memories. Of course I do.

But both my kids' early days with us were painful sometimes, both physically and emotionally. Both girls had medical procedures done, and both lived through the grief of finding themselves in a second family with no choice in the matter. It was hard. So, so hard. And I would never want either of them to live through those most painful parts again. The things we have walked through as a young family belong in the past. Now we see the payoff of the hard work that has been done, by the kids primarily, with our support and guidance as their parents, and I would not trade this time for even one moment of those early days. As I look through the photos and videos (toddler ballet - ohmygoodness!), I have realized that this is enough, to be able to look back at those times and enjoy the best parts.

Surely if we could get one day or one hour back, I would want that. I would choose the very best moments, when no one was sad or having blood drawn or unable to sleep. But that's not how it works. We can't go back in time. And they are growing into such wonderful people besides - I am thoroughly enjoying seeing who they are becoming, how their minds work, what they excel at, and what piques their interests. It is a marvelous thing, watching them grow up. I am happy to be right here, right now.

1 comment:

  1. Sitting in the middle of the toddler/preschooler days myself and love this commentary. Some days it is SO hard.
    E was the cutest baby (I remember eagerly awaiting each picture of her getting chubbier and chubbier and that amazing mop of hair!) And Z was adorable too.
    Enjoying your new style of posts. I've always appreciated your thoughtful approach to life and parenthood and your blog seems to have found a good balance of not oversharing about your girls but still adding your intelligent voice to the world.


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